Giving Thanks, In Everything...

It's been a little while since my last life update. Things get busy and health struggles are hard and I honestly just don't always have the words to share what it's been like over the past couple years. Something that stays on my mind so often though is this verse in 1 Thessalonians, "In every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

In EVERY thing give thanks? That's something I admittedly struggle with not just doing but at times even wrapping my mind around. When I'm only responding with my flesh and focusing on my circumstances anyway. But when I take a step back and look at it from a spiritual perspective and ask God to really help me see how blessed we are regardless of what we are going through, oh how things change. Or my attitude towards thing changes at least and that makes all the difference.

The past couple weeks have been rough(er). Moving again, health issues flared up severely, trying to find a new church, being consistent with schooling, financial struggles, and just every day life stuff. Let's just say that remembering to still give thanks in the middle of it all has been a challenge. One that some days seemed more of a duty than truly heart felt. And I fall into the attitude of thinking that of course it's not wrong to feel discontent with how things are! Who could be thankful for all this? And my focus is completely on the bad with no thought for any blessings, which obviously is not a good place to be.

Then at the same time we are seeking God's will for our lives and sometimes doubting and questioning if we know what that looks like or if we are truly "getting it right". But then I read an article like this and it convicts me and reminds me of that verse all over again. And I go back to read it one more time. Only to find that not only do I have so much I should be giving thanks to the Lord for, but that is exactly how I can be in His will right now!

I'm not belittling what us and many other families are going through, some with way worse trials than ours(like the article above). I truly believe it's okay to be real about struggles because that's needed too so that we don't all feel alone in hard times. But at the same time I don't want to get hung up there and completely neglect to still give thanks.
Because the truth is, God is good. And every day that we are alive is due to His mercy and grace. If He never gave another gift or blessing to me besides just the fact that He gave His own Son to die for my sins and saved me from hell, that's enough to give thanks for. In spite of the hardships in life.

And just like the woman in the Bible, who begged Jesus to help her daughter even though she was just a Gentile "dog", He gives way, way more to us than just the crumbs off the table. He never leaves us, never forsakes us, and always provides exceedingly, abundantly more than we can ask or even think. It doesn't mean there aren't trials, but only that He is with us through them. And that He's leaving handfuls of blessings on purpose if we take time to get close enough and look for them. And He wants us to take time to thank and praise Him for that!

I'm going to wrap this post up with those thoughts, but next time I plan to be more specific on things I've found to give thanks for during these hard times. I hope this was an encouragement to someone and that you'll join me....


                                             Tyra

Motherhood in 4-D

Although being a mom is obviously something I think about a lot since it's basically a huge part of who I am right now, celebrating mother's day over the weekend caused me to reflect on some specific things motherhood means for me.  Here are just a few of them I wanted to share....

~ It's probably one of the best feelings in the world! From the moment you first see those pink lines on a test, feel the first tiny movements inside your womb, to the day you actually meet that little baby in person for the first time. It's just indescribably special to know you've become a momma.

~ It's completely exhausting some days. And nights. Both emotionally, physically, and mentally! In other words, being a mom is hard.

~ It's also one of the most rewarding jobs ever. All those long days and nights are forgotten in an instant when you feel little arms around your neck and hear a little voice saying, "I love you, momma!".

~ I didn't know half as much about being a mom before having kids as I thought I did!

~ It's all about grace. God's, yours, and theirs. Where in the world would we all be without it?!

~ Every child is totally unique and has to be dealt with in completely different ways sometimes. What works for one doesn't automatically work for another. And that's for lots of different areas of life so it can take lots of effort to figure it all out! 

~ It's the most challenging thing I've ever done and never ceases to cause me to realize how much I need to change and grow while I'm training them to do the same. I often think that God gives us children just to help us see all the areas we need to allow Him to work on in ourselves!

~ It's completely convinced me that the verse in the Bible, "pray without ceasing", was written just for mothers. :-)

~ It's crazy, fun, scary, beautiful, frustrating, amazing, and wonderfully sweet....all at the same time! I'm not really sure there are enough words to accurately describe this mom journey. But I'm so thankful to be on it!

Some days I feel like a complete failure. Some days I don't know if I'll make it until bedtime. (without going crazy anyway;) And there are even some days I just don't want to get out of bed at all! But every day I am blessed to have the gifts of these children in my life. And there are always, always more good days than bad because of the love we share, no matter what. I'm slowly learning that even when I'm not a perfect momma (although I think we should definitely try to be the best we can!) I have a perfect God who can take care of it all. Big things or little things, I can seek Him with it and trust He has it under control. It's good to know that I don't have to do this motherhood thing alone. Cause life in 4-D can get a little messy sometimes and I definitely need some help to do this momma thing right! The days when I really let Him lead me are the ones that by far the best.

So to sum it all up my thoughts after mother's day this year are mostly of being grateful. For the privilege of being a mom, for the special kiddos that call me that, and for a Saviour who loves us all and is ever faithful on this journey to give us just what we need. Glad that He saw fit to let me live life in 4-D! :-) 

 

(ps. if you're new to the blog or don't know our family personally, all of our kiddos have names beginning with "D" so the whole life in 4-D saying is just for fun because of that!)

 

Linked up to the Modest Mom blog here so be sure to check out the other posts!

Rather Overdue Update {with some keeping it real randomness too}

With all of the craziness life has provided us the past few weeks blogging quickly went way down on the list of priorities.  But I know some of you have wondered if we're still alive and kicking so I'm gonna try to do a quick update on how things are going around here. I'll probably be sharing the good, bad, and everything else in between. With lots of honesty thrown in for good measure. {deep breath} Here goes...........

~ I can't believe Daxton turned 2 months old last week. Sometimes it seems impossible that it's been that long since he was born and other times it seems much, much longer.

~ To answer the question of whether he has allergies/health issues like the other 3, the short one would be yes. Not as bad in some ways but enough that he requires a lot of extra care and it's pretty impossible to take him out anywhere.

~ Although determined to make breastfeeding work this time around, it just didn't. Without going into tons of details we made the hard decision for me to stop around 3 weeks. And I still struggle with it. Lots.

~ For those who have never experienced life with a sick baby or one who for whatever reason just struggles with not sleeping, hurting a lot, crying, etc it can be difficult to understand what it's like. But please believe me when I say it is one of the hardest things  ever to deal with. It leaves you feeling tired, hopeless, discouraged, frustrated, and with any other number of emotions you can probably imagine. Multiply all that with the fact I've experienced it 4 times over and you know exactly what I've been feeling the past few weeks.

~ Don't get me wrong. Not every day is as bad as some. And not every minute of those days' are either. I'm thankful more than I can say for every good time of him sleeping while laying down or just being able to lay for a few minutes without hurting and crying. I'm doubly grateful that in comparison to 2 of the others he doesn't cry constantly for hours on end regardless of what we do. That may sound crazy but it's true.

~ The older kiddos are struggling to adjust to this "new normal" since Daxton requires so much care, which of course means they get very little a lot of days. The most heartbreaking thing I've ever felt was Darcey grabbing me around the legs while I was holding a crying Daxton and saying, "I miss you, momma." Let's just say that Daxton wasn't the only one crying after that! Once again, every single day isn't that way but the ones that are tend to be rather difficult.

~ On a lighter note, Daxton has grown like crazy and is so big already! He has been wearing 3 months size clothes for a few weeks now (and even a couple 6 mths things) and size 2 diapers as well. From all appearances he looks perfectly healthy and is seriously a happy, fun baby when not in pain or feeling bad. Love seeing his sweet smile and hearing him "talk" and laugh out loud! 

~ We hadn't been able to figure out who exactly he looks like until I found an old baby picture of Blake I didn't realize we had. It is the spitting image of him! I can't wait to see if that will change or if he'll stay a daddy look-alike when he's older.

~ Once again a big part of our days tend to be spent on an exercise ball since bouncing seems to settle Daxton down the best. As tiresome as it can get sometimes it is hands down better than some of the stuff we tried with the first 2.....before we knew an exercise ball would work! Some other things that come in handy these days are Colic Calm, various homeopathics for allergies and stomach issues, probiotics, a bouncing seat, the swing (sometimes), chiropractic visits, propping him up to sleep(when he's able to lay down), and chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Oh, wait, that's for me not him! lol

~ I'm beyond thankful that Blake is so good at helping out, both with the baby and around the house. I would definitely not be able to to make it without his help! My parents, especially my mom, have also been great at giving us a break, bringing food, or taking the older kids out places since we can't. I would probably be out of my mind (um, more than I am normally?! haha) if I'd had to do everything on my own since Daxton was born.

Okay, so I'm sure there's more I could write but my tired brain has thought of all it can at the moment. Let me just add that although there have been some dark, hard days for me in the past few weeks, I know that most of all it's been God's grace that has brought me through it. And even in the midst of all my questions and doubts and yes sometimes anger, at the way things are....He's been faithful. Prayers for grace and strength are still appreciated for the future. And wisdom for the decision about all of our health issues. It's hard not to worry and just trust that things will be okay, but I know that's the best thing to do so I'm trying extra hard to learn how! Now I'm really done for now. Hopefully I'll get back to blogging more often one of these days. Until then just know that life in 4-D is never dull for sure! :-) Oh, and enjoy this photo of our newest little cutie....

Grace and Glory

It seems like most of my posts lately have a similar theme. Lots of allergy issues for everyone, pregnancy stuff, lack of sleep, and me being super tired from it all. But alas that is just life at the moment for us I guess. My emotions tend to be all over the place some days, but I'm trying to work on the times I feel totally overwhelmed and remind myself that it will get better and that until it does we'll make it. The only problem is that I also know it's been worse before so I tend to let fears of that sneak in and discourage me even more. Ah!

I'm also trying to remember that most importantly is me seeking the Lord for help and grace to get thru these hard times. Days that I do that are definitely much better than the ones I forget to. I've been thinking alot about those verses in 2 Corinthians that says, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Now let me just say that I have not fully arrived at the "gladly glorying in my infirmities part" most days. But I am learning more about His grace and want more than anything to lean more on His strength when I'm weak. My hearts' desire is to show my children that we can trust and praise Him during the hard times as well as good and pray that I'll let His power rest upon me so that they can see more of Him and less of me.

I hope maybe these verses might help someone else who is struggling today. Regardless of what comes our way let's just focus on His grace in our lives and choose to glory in the hard times with gladness that we can have His power on us. Now I'm off to try and do just that with the rest of my day!      

Mixed In Blessings

I'm not gonna lie, ya'll. The last few weeks around here have been tremendously, horrible more than a little rough. But I just wanted to take a minute and share some blessings we've had in the middle of all the other. 'Cause there's a reason why the Bible has verses like "in everything give thanks", right?! :-)

We went out for mexican food at Cantina Laredo last week and ended up getting a totally free meal! It was really due to a mix-up in seating and we had to wait for awhile before they realized no one had taken our order yet. At first the shift manager just gave us a free appetizer and dessert (which was great!), but then the general manager ended up writing off the whole check. Woo-hoo! This all happened after our van broke down and we found out how much it was going to cost to fix so that just made it a double blessing.

The naturopath allergy doctor we go to has hired a new receptionist who is super sweet. We've been going alot (due to all these crazy reactions we're having) so I've gotten to chat with her a little the past couple weeks. Today I was there for a treatment and as I was leaving she tells me that she does some photography on the side and wondered if I would let her shoot some pictures of the kids sometime? For free! I was like, um, yes that would be pretty great. She says she knows how expensive it can be to get family pictures sometimes and since we're having so much extra financial stuff right now anyway she wanted to help us out. I thought that was pretty amazing!

Those were a couple things that might seem kinda little in  some ways, but just helped me to realize that there usually is something good in our lives to encourage us, even in the midst of bad times, if we just let ourselves see it. And of course it made me more aware of all the other stuff I can look around and see every day too. All the good food we've eaten just this week, laughter and playing from the kids, prayers and talks about the Lord, some days even just sleep, and the list goes on. I'm very thankful for those mixed in blessings God chose to give us to show me that. Again. :-)

What kind of blessings have you found mixed into your life lately?!

Struggling With Hard Times {second part}

*If you haven't read the first part of the story then click here. And if you already have then read on.....

As I said at the end of the other post, we really felt like God answered our prayers in giving us another baby when we were so unsure about what to do. But I also think that I started feeling like since He had allowed us to get pregnant again after all that time, then that meant everything would go easily. I soon realized that's not exactly what He had in mind though since it was the most difficult of all my pregnancies yet. I then started worrying about the health of the baby and how I would handle it if she ended up being like the first two. And although I tried to pray and trust God to take care of it, I have to admit I struggled with really believing things would be okay. Then to have Darcey be born and to start experiencing the exact same things we went through with Dathan was really, really hard to accept. I'm not gonna lie to you...my first response was not one of everything being okay. If there's an emotion to be named then I probably felt it those first few weeks. I had just so wanted more than anything for this baby to be 'normal' that dealing with the fact she wasn't was more than a little overwhelming. Fear, anger, doubt, resentment became almost constant companions....and then just overall numbness to realize it was out of my control entirely. I cried, prayed, questioned, and just about everything in between I think! There's just something about having to see your baby cry in pain for hours on end and not being able to help them that does something to your heart. It's not something that's easy to deal with every day that's for sure.
On top of that was my own physical/emotional health going downhill again as I dealt with the stress of healing from childbirth at the same time as caring for a sick baby, seeing Blake as he tried to juggle working and helping out at home too, and probably worst of all having to watch my other kids basically fend for themselves and deal with it all as their world was literally turned upset down overnight. Needless to say, I didn't always keep a good attitude. I wasn't always ready to praise God and see His goodness in spite of it all. I really, really wanted Him to just make it all go away and coming to terms with the fact that He didn't was not easy at all. I know that may sound arrogant and awful to say, but I'm trying to be honest about where we've been and how hard it was. And I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't tell the bad along with the good. 

I have to admit there were times when I would sit and hold Darcey while she cried (while bouncing on the exercise ball of course)and just cry myself while trying to pray and feeling like it was just so hopeless. It even got to the point where I questioned what was the use in even trying to pray since it seemed like it didn't help anyway? I just couldn't understand why there should be any reason for this! Then one night while things were really bad with Darcey and I was really struggling to deal with it, the Lord brought a song to my mind that I had looked the words up to a couple of weeks earlier.(coincidence?) I just felt like I was supposed to start singing it out loud and by the time I got to the second verse I felt His presence so real there in that bedroom as I said, "Great is the Lord, He is faithful and true. By His mercy He proves, He is love." And I realized that even though I might not ever know why things were hard or even if Darcey never got any better, He's still a loving, merciful, and faithful Saviour. Any other blessings I have in my life (and there really are alot of them if stop to think about and focus on the good instead of just the bad) are just added benefits. Oh, and by the way, by the time I finished singing the rest of the song a couple times over (it was so good the first time I didn't want to stop!) Darcey had stopped crying and was sound asleep. Just cause He could, you know?!

Now I also have to admit that things weren't totally perfect after that. We're still human and it's still really hard to care for a sick baby 24/7. And even though she has gotten alot better in some ways there's still days that we struggle. (like this week when she has a really bad cold which may be turning into something far more serious and I just couldn't help but ask "For real?! weren't things already difficult enough??!!") But every now and then He comes by and reminds me of His mercies. And I remember how I need to just keep praising Him for who He is, in spite of everything else. I'm so very thankful that He's faithful and true to me, even when I'm not to Him! I'm hoping that I'll start learning more and more how to keep that in perspective during the hard times.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Looking back I really didn't go into alot of detail of Darcey's actual health problems so maybe that will be a post for another day. For now though, I hope maybe some of you can be encouraged that no matter what you may be going through, God's still good. And please keep praying for our family as we figure that out ourselves! We would also appreciate your continued prayers for Darcey that she'll be healthier soon and we'll come through all of this stronger and better than we were before. Until next time.... 

Struggling With the Hard Times {first part}

To be honest, I'm not totally sure how to start this post. I want to share some of what we've gone through these past few months with Darcey, but it's hard to know where to begin since it's also tied into things we've experienced the past several years as well.

Just for a little background let me tell some of what happened with our first baby and try to lead up til now. We were under alot of stress and my health wasn't the greatest during my first pregnancy(with Dathan). And for whatever reasons he ended up having alot of health problems when he was born, which of course only added to the stress we were already experiencing in other areas. He had severe reflux, allergies, etc and ended up back in the hospital several times after he began to also have apnea episodes when he would fall asleep. I'll never forget the feeling of walking into the bedroom to check on him and finding him already turning blue for the first time. And then having to watch him go through all the horrible tests and things they put him through at the hospitals...without ever finding out what was wrong. It was a really awful time. I can't even really describe all that we've gone through with him or how difficult it's been (and still is) to see him suffer so much and not know what to do about it.
Then we had Delancey when he was about 20 months old (surprise!) and although she didn't become as severe in some ways, she still had enough health problems of her own that it was very challenging to take care of them both....to the point that I was entirely overwhelmed most days. Which needless to say, led to my own physical and emotional health being bad as well. Fast forward a couple of years to me getting mono and it causing dysautonomia on top of everything else and I was a mess! We had always wanted at least 4 kids, but after all of this taking care of the two we had was more than we could deal with at times. Skipping ahead a couple more years and some of my health issues were a little better(like the dysautonomia somewhat), but I still struggled in most areas...not only physically but emotionally as well, which I really think can be just as bad or worse.
I had been considering checking into something more drastic (like surgery) for some severe monthly pain I was having that greatly interfered with my ablility to cope with or do just about anything for a couple of weeks at a time, but just wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do. And although we had gone most of this time since Delancey's birth without preventing more babies and I was honestly beginning to think I maybe couldn't get pregnant again, I think my heart still held on to the desire to have more kids. So we occasionally discussed possibly adopting one day and I was also telling Blake that I wanted to pray about the surgery thing and that God would show us what I needed to do for this pain and whether or not we were supposed to ever have more kids ourselves or if it was okay that I do something more permanent to keep from it. When much to my surprise I ended up realizing I was expecting again just a few weeks later! So I guess the Lord answered that prayer pretty obviously. :)

*Since this is quickly turning into a very long post, I will stop here for now and finish up with the rest of Darcey's story in another one. Stay tuned......