February 23, 2011

Struggling With Hard Times {second part}

*If you haven't read the first part of the story then click here. And if you already have then read on.....

As I said at the end of the other post, we really felt like God answered our prayers in giving us another baby when we were so unsure about what to do. But I also think that I started feeling like since He had allowed us to get pregnant again after all that time, then that meant everything would go easily. I soon realized that's not exactly what He had in mind though since it was the most difficult of all my pregnancies yet. I then started worrying about the health of the baby and how I would handle it if she ended up being like the first two. And although I tried to pray and trust God to take care of it, I have to admit I struggled with really believing things would be okay. Then to have Darcey be born and to start experiencing the exact same things we went through with Dathan was really, really hard to accept. I'm not gonna lie to you...my first response was not one of everything being okay. If there's an emotion to be named then I probably felt it those first few weeks. I had just so wanted more than anything for this baby to be 'normal' that dealing with the fact she wasn't was more than a little overwhelming. Fear, anger, doubt, resentment became almost constant companions....and then just overall numbness to realize it was out of my control entirely. I cried, prayed, questioned, and just about everything in between I think! There's just something about having to see your baby cry in pain for hours on end and not being able to help them that does something to your heart. It's not something that's easy to deal with every day that's for sure.
On top of that was my own physical/emotional health going downhill again as I dealt with the stress of healing from childbirth at the same time as caring for a sick baby, seeing Blake as he tried to juggle working and helping out at home too, and probably worst of all having to watch my other kids basically fend for themselves and deal with it all as their world was literally turned upset down overnight. Needless to say, I didn't always keep a good attitude. I wasn't always ready to praise God and see His goodness in spite of it all. I really, really wanted Him to just make it all go away and coming to terms with the fact that He didn't was not easy at all. I know that may sound arrogant and awful to say, but I'm trying to be honest about where we've been and how hard it was. And I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't tell the bad along with the good. 

I have to admit there were times when I would sit and hold Darcey while she cried (while bouncing on the exercise ball of course)and just cry myself while trying to pray and feeling like it was just so hopeless. It even got to the point where I questioned what was the use in even trying to pray since it seemed like it didn't help anyway? I just couldn't understand why there should be any reason for this! Then one night while things were really bad with Darcey and I was really struggling to deal with it, the Lord brought a song to my mind that I had looked the words up to a couple of weeks earlier.(coincidence?) I just felt like I was supposed to start singing it out loud and by the time I got to the second verse I felt His presence so real there in that bedroom as I said, "Great is the Lord, He is faithful and true. By His mercy He proves, He is love." And I realized that even though I might not ever know why things were hard or even if Darcey never got any better, He's still a loving, merciful, and faithful Saviour. Any other blessings I have in my life (and there really are alot of them if stop to think about and focus on the good instead of just the bad) are just added benefits. Oh, and by the way, by the time I finished singing the rest of the song a couple times over (it was so good the first time I didn't want to stop!) Darcey had stopped crying and was sound asleep. Just cause He could, you know?!

Now I also have to admit that things weren't totally perfect after that. We're still human and it's still really hard to care for a sick baby 24/7. And even though she has gotten alot better in some ways there's still days that we struggle. (like this week when she has a really bad cold which may be turning into something far more serious and I just couldn't help but ask "For real?! weren't things already difficult enough??!!") But every now and then He comes by and reminds me of His mercies. And I remember how I need to just keep praising Him for who He is, in spite of everything else. I'm so very thankful that He's faithful and true to me, even when I'm not to Him! I'm hoping that I'll start learning more and more how to keep that in perspective during the hard times.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Looking back I really didn't go into alot of detail of Darcey's actual health problems so maybe that will be a post for another day. For now though, I hope maybe some of you can be encouraged that no matter what you may be going through, God's still good. And please keep praying for our family as we figure that out ourselves! We would also appreciate your continued prayers for Darcey that she'll be healthier soon and we'll come through all of this stronger and better than we were before. Until next time.... 

February 22, 2011

Another Tasty Recipe

So here's another quick and easy recipe that I wanted to share with you all. You might already know how to do this anyway but if not then you really need to try it! It's homemade whipping cream and beats buying cool whip hands down. (which we don't anyway because of all the junky ingredients!) As a side note, it also is yummy with the brownies that I posted about a couple of weeks ago. Which means now you need to make them again, you know, to try them with whipped cream on top. lol I actually found this recipe in my Martha White cookbook and have definitely put it to good use! Hope you enjoy....

1 pint heavy whipping cream (I buy Organic Valley brand and it's yummy)
2 tblsp sweetener (we don't use alot of white sugar so I've tried agave nectar and turbinado sugar and they were both great)

Then you just beat at medium speed with a mixer (maybe about 5 minutes or so?) til it's forming soft peaks. You have to make sure it's thick enough so that it doesn't turn runny later but also not do it too long or you get more of a cottage cheese consistency. (ask me how I know...haha) And that's it!! Delicious whipped cream topping for whatever you want to use it for. The kids and Blake absolutely love it on just about anything. And it's great because there's not any added ingredients to make it unhealthy. So there you go! :)

Struggling With the Hard Times {first part}

To be honest, I'm not totally sure how to start this post. I want to share some of what we've gone through these past few months with Darcey, but it's hard to know where to begin since it's also tied into things we've experienced the past several years as well.

Just for a little background let me tell some of what happened with our first baby and try to lead up til now. We were under alot of stress and my health wasn't the greatest during my first pregnancy(with Dathan). And for whatever reasons he ended up having alot of health problems when he was born, which of course only added to the stress we were already experiencing in other areas. He had severe reflux, allergies, etc and ended up back in the hospital several times after he began to also have apnea episodes when he would fall asleep. I'll never forget the feeling of walking into the bedroom to check on him and finding him already turning blue for the first time. And then having to watch him go through all the horrible tests and things they put him through at the hospitals...without ever finding out what was wrong. It was a really awful time. I can't even really describe all that we've gone through with him or how difficult it's been (and still is) to see him suffer so much and not know what to do about it.
Then we had Delancey when he was about 20 months old (surprise!) and although she didn't become as severe in some ways, she still had enough health problems of her own that it was very challenging to take care of them both....to the point that I was entirely overwhelmed most days. Which needless to say, led to my own physical and emotional health being bad as well. Fast forward a couple of years to me getting mono and it causing dysautonomia on top of everything else and I was a mess! We had always wanted at least 4 kids, but after all of this taking care of the two we had was more than we could deal with at times. Skipping ahead a couple more years and some of my health issues were a little better(like the dysautonomia somewhat), but I still struggled in most areas...not only physically but emotionally as well, which I really think can be just as bad or worse.
I had been considering checking into something more drastic (like surgery) for some severe monthly pain I was having that greatly interfered with my ablility to cope with or do just about anything for a couple of weeks at a time, but just wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do. And although we had gone most of this time since Delancey's birth without preventing more babies and I was honestly beginning to think I maybe couldn't get pregnant again, I think my heart still held on to the desire to have more kids. So we occasionally discussed possibly adopting one day and I was also telling Blake that I wanted to pray about the surgery thing and that God would show us what I needed to do for this pain and whether or not we were supposed to ever have more kids ourselves or if it was okay that I do something more permanent to keep from it. When much to my surprise I ended up realizing I was expecting again just a few weeks later! So I guess the Lord answered that prayer pretty obviously. :)

*Since this is quickly turning into a very long post, I will stop here for now and finish up with the rest of Darcey's story in another one. Stay tuned...... 

February 15, 2011

So Far Behind!

I really thought I'd be posting on this blog way more than I have so far. But then life (or I should say Darcey!) happened and it just hasn't gone that way at all. Which is okay I guess, although it does bug me sometimes when something happens or I think of something good I want to blog about and then just never get around to it. Or worse yet by the time I do get around to writing, I've forgotten what was so great that I wanted to share! When I think about all the other stuff in our lives that I'm behind on as well though, the blog kinda takes a backseat anyway. (you know, like laundry piled everywhere, a messy house, etc) So for tonight let me just throw a few quick thoughts out there and hurry to bed while I can grab a couple of winks!

Speaking of Darcey (or I was earlier in that first paragraph anyway!), she is doing alot better than a few weeks ago. I don't think I'll ever be able to claim an 'easy' baby by any means, but for us it's a success that she can sleep propped up by herself for a little while at night! Or that the entire day isn't spent with her screaming in pain all the time. I'm just so thankful at this point that we were able to try a different approach so much sooner than we did with Dathan. I really believe it's helped her alot to go the natural route rather than rely on medicine. Please keep praying for her (and us) though as her health and care is still a challenge. Actually, prayers for all 3 of them would be appreciated since dealing with so many allergies is a struggle for us all!

I mentioned in one of my previous posts about thinking on the word change recently and it's still definitely on my mind. We're seeing not only some changes that the Lord is dealing with our hearts about, but also experiencing what we feel like is satan resisting us allowing God to help us make those changes. Needless to say, it's challenging to keep on praying for something specifically when you know it might make things worse before they get better. But I truly believe if we don't grow weary in well doing that the rewards we'll reap will be more than worth it some day!

Well, I would love to share more with you all but bed is calling my name rather loudly at the moment. Sleep is so scarce and for me not being very restful when I do get some so I really need to try and get it while I can. Until the next time I grab a few minutes......

February 1, 2011


Thought I'd share this quick and easy brownie recipe with you all. You know, cause you can never have too many chocolate options up your sleeve, right?! :) Since we try to eat more naturally because of allergies and stuff, I actually use all organic ingredients in these...and they're still delicious! But whatever you use to make them I hope you enjoy them as much as we do.

1 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
1 stick butter (melted)
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla flavoring
3/4 cup flour

Mix sugar and cocoa together and add butter. Blend in eggs then add vanilla flavoring. Stir in flour and pour in a microwave safe dish.(I use a medium size corningware dish) Cook in the microwave on high for 5 minutes and they're done!

Yep, that's right....they cook in the microwave. It's kinda dangerous to have chocolate being that convenient! lol Actually, you can bake them in the oven at 350 for about 25 minutes, but I'm not sure why you'd want to and I think they're better the other way.(a little more gooey) Not to mention quicker! Blake and the kids like eating them with homemade whipped cream...which I will post the recipe for another day. But any way you do it, they're just good. :-)