February 22, 2011

Struggling With the Hard Times {first part}

To be honest, I'm not totally sure how to start this post. I want to share some of what we've gone through these past few months with Darcey, but it's hard to know where to begin since it's also tied into things we've experienced the past several years as well.

Just for a little background let me tell some of what happened with our first baby and try to lead up til now. We were under alot of stress and my health wasn't the greatest during my first pregnancy(with Dathan). And for whatever reasons he ended up having alot of health problems when he was born, which of course only added to the stress we were already experiencing in other areas. He had severe reflux, allergies, etc and ended up back in the hospital several times after he began to also have apnea episodes when he would fall asleep. I'll never forget the feeling of walking into the bedroom to check on him and finding him already turning blue for the first time. And then having to watch him go through all the horrible tests and things they put him through at the hospitals...without ever finding out what was wrong. It was a really awful time. I can't even really describe all that we've gone through with him or how difficult it's been (and still is) to see him suffer so much and not know what to do about it.
Then we had Delancey when he was about 20 months old (surprise!) and although she didn't become as severe in some ways, she still had enough health problems of her own that it was very challenging to take care of them both....to the point that I was entirely overwhelmed most days. Which needless to say, led to my own physical and emotional health being bad as well. Fast forward a couple of years to me getting mono and it causing dysautonomia on top of everything else and I was a mess! We had always wanted at least 4 kids, but after all of this taking care of the two we had was more than we could deal with at times. Skipping ahead a couple more years and some of my health issues were a little better(like the dysautonomia somewhat), but I still struggled in most areas...not only physically but emotionally as well, which I really think can be just as bad or worse.
I had been considering checking into something more drastic (like surgery) for some severe monthly pain I was having that greatly interfered with my ablility to cope with or do just about anything for a couple of weeks at a time, but just wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do. And although we had gone most of this time since Delancey's birth without preventing more babies and I was honestly beginning to think I maybe couldn't get pregnant again, I think my heart still held on to the desire to have more kids. So we occasionally discussed possibly adopting one day and I was also telling Blake that I wanted to pray about the surgery thing and that God would show us what I needed to do for this pain and whether or not we were supposed to ever have more kids ourselves or if it was okay that I do something more permanent to keep from it. When much to my surprise I ended up realizing I was expecting again just a few weeks later! So I guess the Lord answered that prayer pretty obviously. :)

*Since this is quickly turning into a very long post, I will stop here for now and finish up with the rest of Darcey's story in another one. Stay tuned...... 

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